The Mum uniform I think is something we are all familiar with. Before you had children you may have spent more money on clothes, or more importantly, more time on clothes as a rule. You may not have even owned a pair of leggings. Now? You have 6 pairs, all in the same shade of black. You tend to pair these up with a cardigan or jumper, and some boots. You do consider being fashionable and quickly figure that actually that is a lot of effort and the legging jumper combo is far easier.
You catch yourself singing Cbeebies theme tunes ALL of the time. Even when your children aren’t with you, quite often I am out and about and find myself singing “Yes, my name is Igglepiggle, Igglepiggle Iggle Wiggle Diggle” My children are 9 and 2 and the sad thing is I still know the songs from when I heard them first time around with my eldest. You know you are ridiculous humming the Waybuloo theme tune to yourself but we all do it, all day, most days.
Your ability to manage poo and vomit changes dramatically. Before children the thought of changing a dirty nappy repulsed you and you wondered how you would ever be able to cope wiping someone else’s arse. Yet now you are able to clear up the disaster zone of a poonami with precision and in record time. Vomit? Even hearing someone being sick was enough to make you feel queasy, however now you are able to comfort your kids through week long sickness bugs and offer a receptacle to catch the vomit in if necessary, and if you are my husband then that receptacle is your hand. Yes. His actual hand, and it isn’t just once that he has done it either! The most recent incident was when our toddler came down with a sickness bug and was very poorly, he sat up, wretched and we had nothing to grab, so naturally, the husband cups his hand and catches it, fab.
Caffeine is your friend!! Before my second son was born I hated the smell of coffee, never ever drank it and wasn’t particularly a big tea drinker either. Nowadays? I am barely human before I have consumed two cups of coffee. My whole life is scheduled around it, wake up, coffee. Heading out early in the morning, grab a coffee from the Mcdonalds down the road. Shopping trip in the city? Starbucks or Costa. I need it. If I went without coffee I fear I would experience proper withdrawal symptoms, and obviously wouldn’t be safe to be near people.
Your late nights are now when you stay up late to do housework or catch up with a series on Sky+ because you have hung up your dancing shoes, packed away your party dresses and traded in your alcoholic beverages for lukewarm tea and hot chocolate. No more Saturday night at the pub for you, instead it is pyjamas on when the kids go to bed, kettle on and watch the soaps. The thing is though, you don’t mind it at all, no sore feet, your kids still think you’re amazing with no slap on and best of all NO hangover!
The Scenic Route to Sanity 